We Almost Divorced, Not Once, But Twice.
This is what I learned. And what I'm here to share with you.
Chapter 1: The Version of Me That Wasn't Working
For many years, I was doing what most men do. Building my career, dreaming about the fruits of all that hard work. And enjoying the rest of my life with my beautiful wife, Dotti, and our new family. But life tested us in ways that we can only begin to share here.
One of those tests was in 2006.
We were in our bedroom having coffee. It was a beautiful fall morning. And a rare moment for us to chill. Then like it had a life of its own, the whole morning went sideways.
Before we knew it, we were in the fight of the century. We fought for hours until my wife said the words no husband ever wants to hear.
"I'm calling a lawyer. I want a divorce. Get out!"
I walked downstairs, tail between my legs, wondering what just happened. And sat at my bar drinking coffee, shaking. The twins were right there in the living room, two and a half years old, on that nice white carpet with all their toys out, having a great morning. Completely happy. Totally oblivious to what had just happened upstairs.
Here's what nobody on the outside of our house knew.
Our marriage was in trouble for years before that. We just didn’t know it. What people would see when they saw me was a man's man. Hunter. Fisherman. Outdoorsman. Tough, eager, and worked hard. But above all, was a devoted husband and father. And, I lived to have fun too. I was the guy at the party everybody wanted to talk to. But when I was home and I was a different guy.
Quiet, hard to talk to, dismissive, not present. Everything else was more important. We lacked connection and it created tension. I thought vulnerability was weakness. I thought sharing my deepest thoughts was weakness. I thought apologizing to her was weakness. I thought telling her I loved her was weakness. So, I held it all in. And that was the problem. My fear, showing up as pride, had taken over. That is until that one morning, after the big fight, sitting at the bar, shaken, upset, wondering what just happened, when it hit me like a 2x4 up the side of the head.
“I love her too much to lose her. And I need to tell her.”
"The hardest person we will ever lead is ourself."
Chapter 2: What the Breaking Point Revealed
When your marriage almost ends, something becomes clear, fast.
All this was a tale between two versions of myself. One the public got to see. The other my spouse had to survive. Frankly, I was completely out of integrity. A man struggling to be authentic. No matter where he was, always protecting himself from letting the world see him for who he actually was. Perhaps, because I didn’t want the world to see that version of me? Perhaps because I wasn’t proud of that version of me? Perhaps because I wasn’t happy with the relationship I had with myself?
I leaned on the one area I could control. The one area I was good at. And I relied on these skills to carry me in my marriage. But there was just one problem.
The skills that built my career didn't transfer to the most important relationship in my life. Whether it’s leadership, sales, consulting, or boardroom work, we operate from strategy, logic, and solution. Always looking to achieve the next goal. But in the bedroom or behind the curtain at home, those same skills make us dismissive, non-responsive, often not even present. They simply don’t translate leading us to a lack of alignment and connection.
Our closest relationships demand something different. Vulnerability. Presence. Heart. All the things I had been avoiding. All the things I resisted.
But the most powerful moment of my life, outside of my kids' birth, didn't happen in one big fight. It happened on the floor of a hospital hallway.
In 2004, our lives were full as they could be. Our careers were on fire and we had just welcomed two wonderful children into our lives. But late that year, a little over a year before our big fight, our infant twin daughter Jenna had been diagnosed with leukemia. AML. She was given a 50% chance of survival. It was devastating news that led to a cascade of big life decisions. That night, after Dotti settled in next to Jenna's bed, I handed our twin son Zach off and found myself alone in that hallway. And I fell apart. Completely. I couldn’t keep it together.
Numb and emotional, I slid down that hospital wall and asked God the only questions I had.
"God, why? Why her? Why this little girl? Why us?" Then I prayed alone.
It was an opportunity to lean into my faith. To lean into God for guidance. And to put all of my worries, all my stuff that was showing up, and all of our future challenges, in his hands.
That night, everything, our faith, our family, our marriage, our careers, our future plans, and most of all, anything that seemed predictable, or normal, all changed.
"Marriage is the ultimate proving ground for personal growth. You can perform in public. You can hide behind titles. You can succeed on paper. But at home, your true leadership is revealed."
Chapter 3: What I Know Now
Thirty years of marriage. Two real crises. Two kids. And two very different people from two very different backgrounds, learning, imperfectly, daily, to deal with all of it including this crisis, each other and all the differences we had while attempting to build something that lasts.
What all of that taught me is this.
A title means nothing at the dinner table. Accomplishments mean nothing when you're disconnected. Performance metrics don't matter at 10pm in a hard conversation with your wife. How much you earn means nothing when your child is fighting for her life. The only thing that matters is the consistency and the character of a man, how he shows up and who he’s being when things get difficult, and whether your family can trust you to lead them through it.
That realization changed everything for me. It forced me to look at myself in the mirror. It forced me to get honest. And it changed my relationship with myself, my marriage, my kids and eventually my career.
For twelve years I've been coaching men on the work that matters most. The work on themselves. The framework that came out of my own marriage, and out of those years, my training and my experiences is reflected in my program and my book.
The Extraordinary Husband Framework is the kind of guide I wish someone had handed me in the middle of my darkest moments. It's not theory. It's not inspiration. It’s not a psychological program. It's a guide, built from the fire of a real marriage and tested against the hardest times a man and a woman can face together.
That is what I'm here to give you. It’s my gift to you.
Self-leadership is the spine. Marriage is the proving ground. The best version of yourself is what self-leadership actually produces.
What You'll Experience Working With Brian
He's Been Where You Are At.
Brian's marriage almost ended twice. He gets you, because he's been in your shoes, sitting in the same chair you're sitting in now.
Faith Is Foundational.
Brian is a man of faith. It's foundational to everything he does. But this isn't a religious program and you don't have to share his faith to do this work. Whatever you bring, his job is to meet you where you're at, no matter what.
A Framework You Can Actually Use.
Coaching is a partnership. Brian's job is to support you at the highest level, challenge your status quo, help you create clarity, and generate new awareness you can grow from. What he brings to that partnership is structure. Experience. Co-creation. Vision. Six principles. The Extraordinary Husband Framework. Real tools for the hardest conversations. Side by side until the work is done and your mission is accomplished.
Background & Experience
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12+ years working with executives, professionals, and high performers including an Olympic athlete. ICF member since 2014.
Trained through Accomplishment Coaching's ICF-accredited Leadership and Coach Training Program (2014) and Mentor Coach training (2015). Continued training with Rich Litvin's Coaching Intensive (2016–2018) and Marcia Reynolds' Breakthrough Coaching Mastery (2025). Active personal development starting in 2013 with Landmark Forum and Landmark Advanced Courses.
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Fight For Her, Not with Her: A Guide to Becoming an Extraordinary Husband.
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Eric Edmeades' Speaking Academy, Miami. Paradigm X Live Competition Finalist (2025).
Mindvalley Speaking and Influence Mastery (2025).
GhostBall Fundraiser (2025). Defining Moments Speaker Training (2026).
Leadr Promoter Pitch Program (2026).
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Elevations, a children's therapeutic resource foundation (2010–2025).
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Board Member, Spokane Valley Firefighters Benevolent Association (2000–2004).
Cataldo Catholic School, Spokane (2007–2017):
Elevations Board Member, Facilities Committee Co-Chair Committee Chair and volunteer for multiple Elevations fundraisers, including GhostBall and The Concert.
Boy Scouts Troop 304 Spokane (2016-2022).
If You Know Something Has to Change, You're Already Way Ahead.
Most men wait too long. They wait until she's already checked out. Until the damage is deeper than it needed to be. Until the word "divorce" or "separation" has been spoken out loud.
The American Psychological Association has the number on this. The average couple waits six years after serious problems begin before seeking any help at all. Six years of distance. Six years of damage. Six years of small choices stacking into something that feels too far gone.
The fact that you're reading this means you're not that man.
You don't need to have it figured out before you reach out. You just need to be ready to do the work.
“At its core, this is a self-leadership guide. Written for the man who wants an incredible marriage. Built for anyone who’s ready to become the best version of themselves.”
Because the relationship you have with yourself determines every other relationship in your life. When a man doesn't know how to lead himself, he can't lead his wife, his kids, his team, or anyone else. That's not a marriage problem. That's a self-leadership problem. That was my problem.
And here's the stuff that sabotaged my relationship with my wife.
I believed vulnerability was weakness.
I believed my pain was my own.
I believed I could figure it all out, alone.
I believed, for the longest time, there was nothing I had to change.
That the man I was being could just keep being that way.
And I didn’t own or take responsibility for any of it.
"The strongest position a man can take in his marriage is the one where he admits he can't do this alone."
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
— Matthew 19:6
Fight for her. Not with her.